Transitions

Being home now in San Diego, I've further lost any sort of schedule. The first couple of weeks of being here I was in an emotional slump. Sometimes after mothers give birth they can suffer from Postpartum Depression. I felt like I was suffering from my own PostBiola Depression. I never understood why Biola alums would come back to campus so often, seek jobs at Biola, return to go to Talbot or ISF right after graduating. My thought was always, "your time's over, move on." Boy was I so critical and clueless.

Biola is an incredible place and I am deeply saddened that my time is through. In reflecting I realize that there were many times that I took Biola for granted, other times where I thought Biola was heaven on earth. Neither are healthy or advisable perspectives. However perfect I thought Biola was, I should never be so content to not strive for more, for something bigger. I don't mean worldly striving but Godly/heavenly aspirations. I cannot be content at Biola or in San Diego or in Chicago for they will fail miserably in comparison to being in the presence and communion of God.

Our lives are meant to be lived in tents and yet we spend our days building bricks.

As I grown in deeper understanding of who I am, I have come to realize that I work better when I have something to look forward to. I'm not productive on my own. Perhaps this is true of most people. All I had to look forward to in the first couple of weeks at home were doctor's appointments. I think I have been to six of them so far. I'm not sick or anything, as far as I know, but because dad has just retired I am no longer going to have health insurance through his carrier. So I'm stalking up on medical services. Even over the smallest thing I ask mom, "Should we make an appointment?"

Other than medical appointments I had a plethora of computer appointments at the Genius Bar. Within a week I had gone to the Apple Store about six times. Once I went twice in one day. However, on this day I went to two different Apple Stores due to shear embarrassment of having gone so often, knowing my Genius by name, where she was going to school and what plans she had for her future. After trip after trip and problem after problem, I folded in frustration; bit the bullet and bought a new laptop.

It’s a real beauty, don’t you think?

I have been up to La Mirada twice so far this summer. It's such a blessing to be only two hours away from the loves of my life. Visiting with Beth, Heather, Caitlyn (now back in NC), Chris (who is currently in NY doing a medical research with Cornell!!!), David, Aly, Mike, Priscilla, Jill & Mike, etc. and making new friends has been and will be a true highlight of this season. Spending time with true friends is a simple pleasure but often so under-appreciated.

*Pre-Graduation with Malerie* A little late in posting but I thought it was a precious photo.

It seems that we can define our time spent with friends by the activity we are engaged in. It is a measure to evaluate whether or not our time was well spent. While it's wise to consider how we use the time God has allotted us, what is important is not always the activity but the fellowship that can be had in that time. There are so many nuances and contradictions to this statement and even as I write it I have plenty of thoughts of opposition but I consider my last couple of weeks being at my house but not really feeling at home. While I'm not alone here I do often feel lonely. We were made for companionship not mere cohabitation.

So, if you're reading this and you have a roommate, spouse, sibling, or parent that you're living with, seek to dive deeper with them in relationship. Instead of settling on a movie to watch at the end of the day, go out for coffee date (you buy) and listen. Just listen. Listen to what's going in their life. To what's not going on. And if they're like many people in my life who need to be initiated before entering into a flowing dialogue, spur them on with a couple of questions. I guarantee the person will feel loved, cared for, respected and invested in. You may feel the same way.

Not forgotten

It's been a while.

Consistency these past few months has been a concept unknown. With the semester finishing, which meant the completion of my Biola career, my day-to-day lacked deeply in the routine I so desperately loved. In between last minute assignments, studying, reading and packing, I was able to spend some precious time with dear friends. It's incredible that one could become so close to individuals within such a short period of time. While only meeting many of these people within the last four years and only being more intentional about my relationship with/to them within maybe the last year and a half, I consider them my brothers and sisters. God has brought me into a deeper understanding and connection to the family that is the Church. These men and women challenge me, pray with/for me and are continually pointing me, sometimes carrying me, towards the Cross. How will I take you all with me? Has our time together expired?

Then came graduation and for the 1st time in my four years I would be participating in the ceremonies. Praise Jesus for His faithfulness in carrying my through! Graduations in general are always soo long and it's usually hot. The speaker tends to be boring, as a spectator you cannot see the person you've come for, and the seats are always aggravatingly uncomfortable. My dream was always to graduate in December.
My reasons why:

1. The ceremonies are held in the evening. COOL
2. The Chase Gym is where the ceremony takes place. What I love about this is that the gym is place where chapel was held every M/W/F. We would sit on the floor or on the bleachers and listen to Ron "Buster" Hafer open with prayer or Todd Pickett lead us in a lectio divina, maybe hear a word from Clyde Cook or Biola's new President Barry Corey. We would then listen to an exhortation to enter into missions or receive words of wisdom on loving God. We would sing songs of worship to God, your voice getting lost in the crowd of students. Sometimes I would just stop and just look around at all the people worshiping Jesus. Some people were sitting, others standing, men and women laying face down, arms raised, students dancing. Everyone giving glory to God, each in a beautifully distinct way. Each heart expressing the same thing in it's own dialect. I love chapel. I love community. I love Jesus.
3. Because it's December the Biola Christmas Tree is all lit up! The tree is beautiful and right outside of the gym. Likewise, framing the doors entering into the gym are large pine trees. It's as wintry as SoCal could ever be.
4. Again, due to the timing of the graduation there are substantially less people graduating which means a short ceremony!
5. Family and friends sit in the bleachers and while they are also quite unbearable to sit in for long periods of time (try for over 4 hours...yikes) the visibility factor is substantially better.
6. Following the ceremony there is a reception in the Cafe with dessert and coffee and it's FREE! What? Thanks BIOLA.

But I did not graduate early and I did not graduate late...
I graduated on time and therefore did not get my wish. However I have no regrets. Sitting right behind me during the ceremony was my very own Priscilla and next to me was Lauren Jalowiec! Ok God, no big deal! George Verwer gave a beautiful speech. I gave BC a hug. There was so much excitement and energy in the air on the day of graduation. There was also intense chaos. Especially right after the ceremony ended. I felt like an ant whose hill had just been stepped on.
I did not have any set plans after graduation and that made the choas less chaotic. I didn't even end up going to any grad parties but the day was great and for the most part stress free.

I'm a graduate. I have a BA. I'm BA. I'm growing up and I desire to resist that at every turn.


Oh yeah, before I forget to mention it, I got into grad school!!! The Jane Addams College of Social Work at the University of Illinois at Chicago decided to accept me. They also decided to provide me with a 94% tuition waiver which comes out to roughly $24,000.

God, you are so good to me and I don't deserve it. For this reason I am all the more grateful. You know what I need and you never cease to show up exactly when I need you.