Saturday, July 18, 2009


Being home now in San Diego, I've further lost any sort of schedule. The first couple of weeks of being here I was in an emotional slump. Sometimes after mothers give birth they can suffer from Postpartum Depression. I felt like I was suffering from my own PostBiola Depression. I never understood why Biola alums would come back to campus so often, seek jobs at Biola, return to go to Talbot or ISF right after graduating. My thought was always, "your time's over, move on." Boy was I so critical and clueless.

Biola is an incredible place and I am deeply saddened that my time is through. In reflecting I realize that there were many times that I took Biola for granted, other times where I thought Biola was heaven on earth. Neither are healthy or advisable perspectives. However perfect I thought Biola was, I should never be so content to not strive for more, for something bigger. I don't mean worldly striving but Godly/heavenly aspirations. I cannot be content at Biola or in San Diego or in Chicago for they will fail miserably in comparison to being in the presence and communion of God.

Our lives are meant to be lived in tents and yet we spend our days building bricks.

As I grown in deeper understanding of who I am, I have come to realize that I work better when I have something to look forward to. I'm not productive on my own. Perhaps this is true of most people. All I had to look forward to in the first couple of weeks at home were doctor's appointments. I think I have been to six of them so far. I'm not sick or anything, as far as I know, but because dad has just retired I am no longer going to have health insurance through his carrier. So I'm stalking up on medical services. Even over the smallest thing I ask mom, "Should we make an appointment?"

Other than medical appointments I had a plethora of computer appointments at the Genius Bar. Within a week I had gone to the Apple Store about six times. Once I went twice in one day. However, on this day I went to two different Apple Stores due to shear embarrassment of having gone so often, knowing my Genius by name, where she was going to school and what plans she had for her future. After trip after trip and problem after problem, I folded in frustration; bit the bullet and bought a new laptop.

It’s a real beauty, don’t you think?

I have been up to La Mirada twice so far this summer. It's such a blessing to be only two hours away from the loves of my life. Visiting with Beth, Heather, Caitlyn (now back in NC), Chris (who is currently in NY doing a medical research with Cornell!!!), David, Aly, Mike, Priscilla, Jill & Mike, etc. and making new friends has been and will be a true highlight of this season. Spending time with true friends is a simple pleasure but often so under-appreciated.

*Pre-Graduation with Malerie* A little late in posting but I thought it was a precious photo.

It seems that we can define our time spent with friends by the activity we are engaged in. It is a measure to evaluate whether or not our time was well spent. While it's wise to consider how we use the time God has allotted us, what is important is not always the activity but the fellowship that can be had in that time. There are so many nuances and contradictions to this statement and even as I write it I have plenty of thoughts of opposition but I consider my last couple of weeks being at my house but not really feeling at home. While I'm not alone here I do often feel lonely. We were made for companionship not mere cohabitation.

So, if you're reading this and you have a roommate, spouse, sibling, or parent that you're living with, seek to dive deeper with them in relationship. Instead of settling on a movie to watch at the end of the day, go out for coffee date (you buy) and listen. Just listen. Listen to what's going in their life. To what's not going on. And if they're like many people in my life who need to be initiated before entering into a flowing dialogue, spur them on with a couple of questions. I guarantee the person will feel loved, cared for, respected and invested in. You may feel the same way.